Ever Wonder about the staff of life?  Here are the stats (from a political science colleague who got it from a criminal justice colleague who….)

Bread is on the rise according to recent research...

• More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
• Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
• More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
• In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
• Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
• Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer`s, Parkinson`s disease, and osteoporosis.
• Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
• Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
• Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
• Newborn babies can choke on bread.
• Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
• Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

Now that you've wasted this much time, you might as well check out the history of the Fluffernutter, invented by two guys who, like me,  graduated from Swampscott High School (though they were a  few years ahead of me).